I have prayed over this post for quite a while. I have been considering how to approach this topic since I posted about Mother’s Day well over a month ago. There are many things that I could write about what Biblical fatherhood entails and how it applies to our society today. We know that fathers are important to the long term well-being of children. Those children with biological fathers in the home are less likely to engage in risky behaviors such as drug and alcohol abuse. They are less likely to run afoul of the law. They experience lower levels of violence in childhood. Simply put, fathers are very important. I could also decry how our modern feminist culture vilifies the role of the father in the home likening him to a toxic influence on children and society as a whole. I could do a whole series of posts about these and other topics. However, today, I choose to focus on what Paul wrote in Ephesians:

"And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."  Ephesians 6:4

This verse of instruction from the apostle Paul gives concise instructions on how a father is to raise their children. The first instruction is an admonition to not provoke your children to wrath. Why would Paul lead with this instruction? Due to our nature as protectors of the home we sometimes give dictates even from a well-meaning place of protection that rubs or irritates our children to the point of defiance. We also might, with fleshly short-comings, favor one child over another which might invoke a feeling of resentment in other children not so favored. We all want the best for our children and sometimes we are guilty of pressuring our children down paths in life that have more to do with our own wants and desires than with what is best for our children. Yet another way of provoking a child would be to minimize their achievements. We are human and sometimes we are even jealous of the gifts and abilities with which God has blessed our children. Finally we might also selfishly lash out at our children through verbal and even in some cases physical abuse. Of all the many ways that we can provoke our children, this is the most obvious and perhaps the most telling of the condition of our own hearts. The leading admonition to not provoke our children to wrath is meant like all of the law to be a mirror to our own shortcomings, or sins. As a father, we should carefully examine ourselves daily in how we treat our children and place this behavior under God’s sovereign will for our lives.

The second, part of this verse tells us to bring up our children “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Now we typically think of nurturing as a characteristic of a mother, but Paul clearly states that we are to be nurturing toward our children. To nurture is to care for and encourage the growth or development of our children. When coupled with the last part of the phrase, “of the Lord,” we see that we are to care for and encourage the spiritual development of our children. Wow. What a responsibility that has been laid upon us. We are responsible for the spiritual development of a relationship between our children and our heavenly father. We are to act as God’s representative in our children’s lives. Admonition is to give authoritative counsel or warnings to our children. It is not our own authority that we wield, but that of God’s authority. I don’t know how else to take such weighty responsibilities as these but to do it with care and prayer. The first position that person, who is exercising the authority of God, should be on our knees before Him sharing that burden with Him. We may be exercising His authority, but we will be answerable to Him of how we exercised that authority. We need to seek His wisdom through the scriptures and reflect what we learn through the scriptures in our lives with our children. We are to show God’s love in our hearts to our children.

I often state that love is not just an emotion, but it is meant to be an action that we take. We choose to love. We choose through our actions to show love for others. What is love, but wanting the very best for those that we love. Forgiveness, caring, encouraging, showing affections, supplying needs and sometimes the desires, providing affirmations, being attentive, all of these are loving behaviors we should engage in with those that we love. Love is reflected not in how we feel, but what we do and how we act. Anyone can say those 3 words: I love you. However, the truth of those words are born out through our actions. If we are to show God’s love to our children, we must engage in those loving behaviors that allow our children to know that there is love beyond what this world can show. This is what the Biblical standard of fatherhood is and what we should strive toward. We may fall short (and we will), but nevertheless we should always strive forward.

Thank you for taking the time to read this meager reflection on fatherhood, and may God richly bless you.